Journal

Focus Rest
Theme Recovery

This past weekend was productive and busy. With the holidays approaching, most of the time was spent trying to get everything ready and reaching out to everyone. It was a great weekend, but by Monday morning, I found myself twice as exhausted as I was when leaving work on Friday. Even checking emails was a struggle - I had somehow reached my limit.

It’s frustrating… I feel like I’ve been making more of an effort to rest lately, so I was hoping to avoid this, but perhaps I’ve been just repeatedly drawing things out. A quick scroll through recent blogs seems to suggest that this is the case. It’s also difficult to tell if my productivity is truly down, like it feels, or if it’s because I’m a bit more familiar with the problems I’m working towards instead of encountering predominantly new things.

My work has similarly been very stressful. I’ve been wrestling with a torrential flood of issues related to my tools and environments not working correctly and coordinating with everyone I need to get things fixed. There are also multiple large projects on my plate, and one in particular that is officially taking all of my focus from now into early February. This large project will be exceptionally mentally taxing, which means that I most likely will not be able to keep up the pace for my web development learning, creating compounding discouragement.

All that said, I had a few conversations and made arrangements to take a little extra time off over the holidays. I am very fortunate that we have a few days off and that I have the vacation time that I can use.

I spoke with a friend while getting everything in order, and they mentioned that they have been in the habit of writing daily gratitude journals, and that they have found peace and benefit in writing them. At least for a bit, I’m going to include a new segment below to try it out.

In a similar note, a new post about holding a year end wind-down was published on Susan’s blog yesterday, further reinforcing the message that struggling to get proper rest is sabotaging my progress. I’m at a point right now where stress is fueling my inability to rest which is in turn fueling my stress, so that’s no good.

It’s obvious that when I’m over-assigning tasks to myself between the combination of work, life, and studies, so I need to dial in my focus further, and maybe enforce some restrictions. Things will most likely get a bit easier after holiday objectives are all resolved, as well.

Much of my recent focus has been devoted to working towards what seemed to be the most reactively “hot” item that I hadn’t gotten to yet. I am glad that it produced some seemingly beneficial results, but the moving target also means that I may have had underlying “should” statements lurking beneath the objective, making it difficult to fully calibrate and commit. Some focus and review of tasks will be a good high priority, once I’ve had a chance to rest and think a little more clearly.

Truth be told, I am not too sure what the next few days will be like or if I will be posting. Learning Log isn’t going anywhere, so don’t worry about that, but I think there is a certain threshold of rest that I need to first reach to determine what it will take for me to start getting back on the right track. With that in mind, the theme this week is “recovery.”

I am hopeful that I will be able to recharge swiftly and be back at things again soon, as I really do love doing all of this.

Gratitude

What is going well?

I am grateful that I:

  • have many supportive and patient people in my life.
  • have a safe place to live.
  • have a job that allows us to cover our expenses.

What could be better?

I would like to be more patient and forgiving with myself and my limitations, so that I can properly recover and be more effective with my time.

Tasklist

  • Produce a theme for the week (Recovery)